Episode 207: Cheers to the Power of Attention

What follows is a rough-edit of the episode, so please forgive typos and/or formatting errors.

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Well, hello, my teacher friends! Welcome to the Beyond Measure Podcast. My name is Christina Whitlock, and I have taken the liberty of designating myself as your Anytime Piano Teacher Friend.  I love to think about the human condition, and how it shows up in the music studio.  You too?  Oh, good.  Let’s link arms and move beyond the status-quo to build valuable musical experiences that impact our students for a lifetime.  Sound like a plan?  Excellent. Let’s get on with the show.

I feel the need to give credit to my high school science teacher, Mr. Riley, today. See – every time we answered a question correctly in class, Mr. Riley would clap his hands, point to you, and say, “Look at you!”  Well, more accurately, he would say that, and follow it up with the first syllable of your name. Only the first syllable. So my high school biology and chemistry experiences were laden with enthusiastic shouts of, “Look at you, Chris!  Look at you.”

That story will make more sense here in a second.

It’s been said there are two kinds of people: Those who enter a room shouting “LOOK AT ME” and those who enter shouting “LOOK AT YOU!”. 

I often imagine a crowded party room and picture those two types of people walking in.  We’ve all seen it happen. There are those who need to be the center of attention and will do everything they can to get others fixated on them.  They will broadcast their accomplishments and parade around in their fancy outfits.  They will laugh at their own jokes and – even when it LOOKS like they are listening – their brains never stop thinking of the next clever anecdote they can tell.

On the other hand, there are the people who enter the party LITERALLY saying “Look at you!”  These are the people who say, “Wow! You look incredible.  WHERE did you get that bag?”  They ask you about your work and they respond with thoughtful follow-up questions that show they actually care about getting to know you better.  They laugh at your jokes.  They smile.  They make eye contact. They make you feel happy to be there talking to them.

Now, friends, I ask you: which of these people do you want to spend more time with?

This is something I think a lot about.  It’s one of those things that, on the surface, doesn’t appear to have much to do with teaching. Yet, on further reflection, it actually has EVERYTHING to do with teaching.

Most obviously, when a student enters our studio doors… when they play for us… when they speak to us… are we putting on our “Look at you!” energy?  Or are we too worried about trying to show them how much we know? 

The same goes for studio parents.  Are we too busy trying to assert ourselves as professionals that we end up exuding our “LOOK AT ME” energy?  Do we acknowledge the Herculean Effort it is to be a parent? Or do we just seek to prove ourselves at every opportunity?

There’s that old, old saying that people don’t care how much you know until they know how much you care, right?  It’s an age-old Teacher Mantra that we all SAY we believe… but how do we show people we care about them? Simply put: we show more interest in them than we do ourselves.

I talk to a LOT of teachers who struggle with feeling intimidated by studio parents. Many of us could earn Gold Medals in an Olympic Sport called “Worrying What Other People Think of Us”.

I’ve SO been there, friends. It’s hard NOT to get caught in the trap of wondering if your student’s parents think you’re good enough.

But I’m here to tell you from many years of experience: Do you know what makes a parent loyal to your studio?  It’s not how well you’re able to sell them on your qualifications.  It’s how you make them feel when they’re there.  I have an entire episode on how people buy FEELINGS.  They don’t buy goods and services; they pay for how those things make them feel.  That’s episode 096.  I’ll link it in today’s show notes.

So when a student – or their parent – enters your studio, are you donning your Look at ME energy?  Trying to prove all the ways you’re working SO HARD on their child’s behalf?  Or are you radiating LOOK AT YOU energy? 

The author Toni Morrison is famous for asking parents if their face lights up when they come home from work each evening and walk through the door.  Her premise is that children who are greeted with warmth and enthusiasm feel safe and valued.  Many times, our comings and goings feel so routine to us, we miss the other people involved in the equation.

Well, the same thing goes for entering and exiting your studio.  How do you greet students and anyone else in their entourage when they enter?  Do you non-chalantly tell them you’ll be with them in a moment?

I’m warning you, friends: Don’t get so caught up in the routine of your teaching day… in the many arrivals and departures… that you miss the fact that, for your students, arriving at a piano lesson is NOT an experience they have 50 times a week.  You might have 50 piano students, but your students do not have 50 piano teachers.  Their arrivals are anything but routine to them. 

Again, the same things goes for their family members who come with them.  Giving a kind smile to a frazzled mom and telling her she’s going to make it through this crazy day? THAT is “Look at YOU” energy.

Telling a student, “Ah. I just love Wednesdays because those are the days I get to see YOU!” THAT is “LOOK AT YOU” Energy.

So, as you can tell, this is your question to ponder this week, friends.  What kind of energy do you bring to the lesson experience?  If you are someone who struggles with concerns over what other people think of you, I want you to recognize that is inward-focused energy.  When you worry about what people think of you, you are bringing “look at me” energy.

The solution in SO MANY CASES is to simply turn the spotlight outward. Giving more of your attention to others and their experiences is a surefire way to re-focus your energy in a LOOK AT YOU kind of way.

If you’ll allow me to go on a bit of a rant…

This is my primary complaint about social media.  Earlier this year, I sent out one of my weekly Piano Teacher Confession e-letters to members of my email list, explaining why Instagram isn’t fun for teachers anymore. It was hands-down the most popular e-letter I’ve ever sent; resulting in SO MUCH good conversation.  I’ll link that letter in the shownotes for today’s episode, but let this be your reminder to get yourself on that email list!

So I wrote this very popular email about why social media isn’t fun anymore.  But here’s something I didn’t expressly say in that e-letter:  Social media has evolved into the big party room that I mentioned at the top of this episode, with all of us shouting LOOK AT ME at one another.  We’ve heard so much about leveraging social media for our studios and our other professional endeavors, that the STRATEGY of posting to social media is now how we associate our experience on those apps.

We think SO MUCH about what we post… when we post it… how to get the attention… it’s all LOOK AT ME energy, right?  It’s not SOCIAL media anymore.  It’s shouting into the void.  And it’s no wonder we are unhappy there and frustrated by all the time we spend on it. The SOCIAL aspect has gone out the window.  There is so little LOOK AT YOU energy.  It’s all LOOK AT ME.

Again, I’ve spoken my peace on social media via the Piano Teacher Confessions e-letter and I’m not going to re-hash it all here… but I couldn’t talk about this topic without going there for at least a few minutes. 😊   

As I prepare to wrap up, let me offer just a bit of balance to this conversation by saying, INWARD-focused energy is not a bad thing.  It’s quite important to stay focused on matters of our own existence. We need to stay attuned to how situations are making us feel and what we need to live the life we desire. Those are all good, natural, important things.

I’m simply saying – for probably the hundredth time on this show – that the actual contact time we have with our students… the lesson itself and whatever communications happen outside of lesson time… you need to bring your LOOK AT YOU energy to those.

There are plenty of aspects of the studio teacher experience that ARE about you:  The hours you teach, the families you choose to work with, the boundaries you set, the tuition you charge… those are all things that NEED to be led by your own needs and wants.

But once other people set foot in your studio?  You are creating an experience FOR THEM.  And, I’m here to tell you, the more interested you are in your studio families? The more they will value their experience.

No one actually WANTS to spend their time at the party talking to the LOOK AT ME guy. Don’t we try to get away from them as soon as possible?   Let’s all take a note from Mr. Riley, my high school science teacher, and summon our LOOK AT YOU energy as often as possible.

That’s just about it for today, friends.  Let’s have a quick toast to the profession, and then we’ll wrap up with today’s Teacher Friend of the Week!  I wonder who it will be… 😉

Grab the nearest beverage and raise it to the sky!

Studio Teacher Friends from all around the world: Sigh. No one tells us when we enter this profession HOW MUCH BALANCE is required of teachers.  We balance our time, our objectives, our energy… all the things.  It’s not easy, but may we always remember it is worth it.  Cheers to US, my friends!  Here, here.

Okay, friends… it’s time for our Teacher Friend of the Week! Today’s TFOTW is Craig Harmann.  Craig gets a shout-out today because he’s running this super-fun challenge in the month of March, titled March Musical Madness, where he’s running a March Madness-style bracket challenge for various Musical Theater Productions.  It’s been entertaining to follow along and see how my favorite shows fare. I confess to being sad that Sideshow was beat out in the first round by The 25th Annual Putnam County Spelling Bee, but I’ll get over it.  I just love me some Sideshow. It deserved better. Ha!   Anyway, you can check out Craig and his March Musical Madness by following Harmanny Music Education on YouTube or Instagram.  Craig is also often found in my Monday Morning Power Hours inside the SuperFriends Community on Patreon.  If you’re looking for some extra accountability to get your Monday Mornings started off strong, I’d love to see YOU become a SuperFriend and join us on Mondays as we co-work together.  Head to ChristinaWhitlock.com/patreon, or visit the link in the shownotes for more information.

I’ll leave you with that today, my friends!  Onward and upward toward channeling our LOOK AT YOU energy.