Today, I Confess: I Get Jealous of Other Teachers
You should know by now, I’m a big fan of self-reflection questions. There are several things I ask myself on a regular basis, including What’s Working? and What’s Not?.
…but I recently heard author Gretchen Rubin suggest a reflection I’ve never spent time on:
Who are you jealous of?
We all know the tropes: Comparison is the thief of joy.
Everything you have today is something someone else is praying for.
…the list goes on and on.
Rationally, we get it. Envy is a poor investment of mental energy.
…but I can’t always escape it. Can you?
Rather than pretending these low-levels of jealousy aren’t contributing to dissonance in my brain, I’m finding great value in embracing Rubin’s question: Who am I jealous of right now?
Allowing myself to drop the virtuous filter of knowing I shouldn’t be envious of other people has been enlightening. I’ve been able to name some nagging insecurities that have been floating around my mind. It’s also given me a clear insight into the things I’m placing value on lately: for better and for worse.
I’ve written before about my struggles with contentment. It’s a bit of a chicken-vs-egg problem, right? Am I a serial optimizer because of my roots in classical pianism (where the end goal is a constantly moving target)? Or, was I attracted to the endless challenge of performance because of my obsession with improvement?
In the end, I’m sure it’s a combination of both… but let’s call it what it is: a recipe for discontentment.
Regardless, I’m encouraging you to answer this question for yourself today: Who are you jealous of lately?
As for me, much to my surprise… my list of The Envied is comprised of other piano teachers (specifically piano teachers who moonlight as content creators, much like myself).
This exercise helped me realize I was stuck in an all-too-familiar trap: Making productivity my highest value.
When I see teachers creating resource after resource, the pangs of envy flare up. I worry I’m going to run out of time to create the things I want to release to the world. I fear someone else will beat me to it and make “my” things first. I get nervous my audience will leave me because I’m not producing “enough”.
In other words, I’m fixating on things that do not even exist, rather than giving important attention to things (and people) that do.
Allowing space to ruminate on these things has been deeply cathartic. We’re often told to count our blessings when we feel discontent. I don’t entirely disagree, but acknowledging envy (aka, the thing I’m “not supposed to feel”) has been far more beneficial than listing good things in my life.
Simply “counting your blessings” comes with an inherent level of guilt for not being satisfied.
Naming the people you are jealous of, however, allows you to pinpoint what’s under the surface.
This small question, Who are you jealous of? helped me reconcile things I know rationally with nagging thoughts that drag me down.
It helped me realize I am doing my best in this season.
(It also helped me realize I need to spend less time online. As discussed this week on the podcast, the unique combination of work/entertainment/continuing ed we consume online is responsible for a lot of unnecessary noise in our brains.) 😉
In the end, this is my current reality: I wish I had more time to see my ideas through. Even so, I have a thriving studio that is well-regarded in my community. I manage to produce a thoughtful podcast every week and a Piano Teacher Confession almost as frequently. My audience is loyal, supportive, and generous with their compliments. I have two children at home and a first-rate husband as my partner in this wild life. We are in a position to love and be loved generously.
In other words, Life Is Good. In fact, when it comes to the things that really matter, I’m not sure how it could be better. I have far more important matters to tend to than creating teacher materials (even if I *do* believe I have some real game-changers up my sleeve!). They’ll see the light of day eventually.
I say all this to encourage you: Jealousy may be an “ugly” emotion, but it is an inevitable part of the human condition from time to time. Instead of blocking it out, I hope you will allow yourself to sit with it for a bit today and see what it has to teach you.
…and, if it helps, comment below or send me an email confessing what YOU have been envious of lately.
🥂 May we be mindful of the MANY emotions inside our Teacher Brains, even those that require the bravery to admit less-than-beautiful thoughts. 🥂
📢 Featured Offering 📢
Fall sports are off and running… which means many of us are lamenting the grip they have on our students (and their schedules!).
There’s a familiar saying, “If you can’t beat ’em, join ’em!”
…and I’ve come to understand we, as studio music teachers, have A LOT to learn from the world of team sports.
If you’re curious how you can build a studio experience that strengthens student commitments and feels more like a “team”, I’d love for you to check out my resource, The Varsity Musician’s Playbook.
The VMP centers around the most-requested presentation I give to music teacher groups. If you’re tired of vilifying team sports and would like to learn from them instead, this is the material you’ve been looking for.
More from Christina and Beyond Measure:
🎙️On the Podcast
Our four-part series on common distractions from our best work concluded with a look at The Temptations of Learning Overload. When it comes to Lifelong Learning, I’m helping you unpack the good, the bad, and the noisy. Listen to Episode 231 (or read the transcript) by clicking here.
🎶Must-Teach Music
Emilie Lin’s Cha Cha Chase is an Elementary romp that is fun to teach AND play! Students love the familiar “cha cha cha” rhythm at cadence points and YOU will love the many pedagogical opportunities available. Best of all, SheetMusicPlus has it available for digital download so you can teach it TODAY.
📖Favorite Read
If you resonated with today’s thoughts on jealousy, I imagine you would enjoy reading The Artists’ Joy by Merideth Hite-Estevez. Merideth puts her very best skillsets on display in this reflection-heavy text. Her beautiful writing and expertise as a creative coach shine through here.
More favorite reads (and resources) can be found on this list of My Favorite Things.
📚Teacher Help
Free things, paid things, favorite things…. check out the MANY ways I show up to support you over on ChristinaWhitlock.com.
6 responses to “I Get Jealous of Other Teachers”
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Naming things is helpful to me. I have been envious/jealous of other teachers with more…more education…bigger studios…can speak up quickly in our online groups with fabulous ideas…..presenting at conferences…etc. Also, when I see you and others I have interacted with online get together…. I am so happy for you…but I wish I could be a part more than online, even though I am grateful for online. So… this may not be helpful at all….because……I have known for many years that I am not a content creator. I say I take others ideas, possibly tweak them (or not) and run with them well. This is what hit me reading your blog today. In the last 4-5 years of going to more conferences and interacting much more with teachers online, I have been overwhelmed with what is available. I have a small studio and now that my husband is retired, and I am not working at church, I don’t have the flexibility of dipping into the “non-studio” portion of money for extra things. I need to be content with what I have purchased, and purchase very wisely. It is no longer okay (actually, never was) to purchase tons of music, games or resources I will never use – all with good intentions, of course! For example, I have so wanted to be part of Nicole Canton’s group – but I cannot justify that expense for who is in my studio right now. For a while I was getting daily emails from “her”, but I had to stop as I just got overwhelmed! I am getting far more out of the class with you and Janna and I need to remember that. I have purchased one subscription that has given me tons of stuff (that I have used some), and then some group class materials, that I have yet to open. I am working on my MTNA group certification as I can see small groups (maybe 4) to work with for more flexibility and creativity as I get older, But, then I want to SEE (FOMO?) what everyone is doing. Sometimes I am not sure when some creators have time to teach — and then as much as I respect some – they will put something out and say they have not even tried it with their students yet….I am just amazed. I think any further jealousy is that I did not finish my Master’s and I also feel I am late to the party, so to speak. You are ALWAYS thinking and I just know great ideas are in you and I hope that you get to explore at least some of them as well as take care of you! Having an amazing, thriving studio, respect, and having a family all are big things! I am in your corner for sure. I hope some day we get to meet in person – but maybe that is not a good idea – because I would be crying ugly tears (but of joy)!
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Ahhh, Marian! I just adore you. WE WILL MEET one day! 🙂 I think it’s important in today’s culture to realize we don’t HAVE to do all the sharing with the world. The work you’re doing within your studio walls is sending ripple after ripple of goodness into your community and that is MORE than enough. And, yes… I’m with you on the overwhelm of content FOR SURE. I’m finding it more and more important to limit my digital intake or that FOMO hits hard. Of course, I *hope* people keep reading/listening to ME (haha!) but really, I think navigating the online world is about finding a handful of people whose content jives with your perspective and letting that be that. Thanks for your steady encouragement! Your students are so fortunate.
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Jealousy and envy are two sides of the same coin. I don’t get either anymore. The most painful lesson I learned in my life was gratitude, and to learn that I had to lose nearly everything I had. I wouldn’t wish that on anyone.
In the Old Testament, the people murmured, and eventually doing so cost an entire generation the Promised Land.
Think about that.
What do you cherish the most? Your husband? Your kids? Your health?
Jealousy causes you to focus on obtaining things that are the least important and to sacrifice what is in order to get it.
Matthew 6:33 has become my mantra. Make it yours.
And read this book, The Rare Jewel of Christian Contentment by Jeremiah Burroughs.
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Oooh, thanks for the recommendations, Bruce! ALL THE YES to this. Thanks for all the good food for thought. 💞
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For me the priority of life should not be work. It should God and Family. This requires a personal reorientation. As a piano teacher I push my students hard but I also chastise myself because a lesson is just a friendly visit where we work together to learn something. So I try to just relax and go with it. For me having a full studio that affords me a reasonably comfortable life is enough. I love all the work you do. But you alone can decide when it is too much. I will admit the internet is addictive.
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You are SO right, Margaret! In moments of clarity I totally agree. 😉 I’m working with a therapist these days to unpack all of my workaholic roots (these run DEEP) and I’m feeling a little more balanced these days. Thanks for your encouragement!
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