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Hello, my teacher friends!  Welcome to episode number TWENTY!  Wait – 20?  Can that possibly be right?  Yeah, I guess it is.  J  So – before we go any further – let me tell you how much your support of my little project here means to me.  I have made SO MANY new teacher friends through this podcast – and I know more of you are out there!  Please don’t hesitate to throw me an email at [email protected] – or hang out with me on Facebook or Instagram.

Aaaaanyway, today we’re talking about preserving gratitude.  We are tackling this today because, the winter blues is a real thing, my friends.  Combine that with the fact that society as we know it is continuing to navigate uncharted territory.  We’re tired, maybe we’re a little grumpy, and PLUS:  we deal with PEOPLE for a living (who are awesome, but also really tricky sometimes).

I’m thinking today about that age-old truth that I’m sure you know well:  we can receive 100 compliments for every ONE point of criticism, but at the end of the day, the only remark we find ourselves thinking about is what?  That ONE negative thought.

Now, I’m probably, like, the nine-millionth person to talk about this phenomenon on the internet…but, it’s not a struggle I see going away, so here we go:  nine million and one!

So, because ya’ll seem to love a story around here, I’ll give a great example:

I’ve mentioned before that I teach adjunct at a local university.  These days I teach piano pedagogy and piano literature, but once upon a time I taught a large gen ed music appreciation class.  So, this is a class of like, 70-80 students.  Well, anyone in university faculty land will tell you there is one time of semester you feel your stomach drop into your toes, and that’s when you get the message saying your end-of-semester student evaluations are completed and ready to view.  Of course, we are all aware that the students who tend to be most vocal on their evaluations are those who feel burned, or have been waiting all semester to tell you how they think your policies stink.  These are the kids who didn’t like the fact that you wouldn’t excuse their fifth absence from oversleeping, or who didn’t like the fact that you actually enforced deadlines.  So, in a course of 70+ students, there’s a pretty strong likelihood that SOMEONE isn’t your biggest fan.

Well, the final round I taught of this particular course was back in 2010, just before the birth of my first child.  I’d decided to take a break from university teaching when she arrived, so – for all I knew at the time – this was my last round of teaching there.  By the time the end of the semester rolled around, I was SO DONE.  I didn’t even bother reading my course evaluations.

Fast forward a decade, when I returned to the same university, teaching different courses.  At the end of my first semester, when I logged in to read my student evaluations from pedagogy class that semester, I realized that the student evaluations from 10 years prior were still in my file.  Interestingly, all other semesters had been archived, but I could still access that ONE class whose evaluations I had never read.

Well, I started reading.  And it was so great!  I had loads of positive feedback…all kinds of student comments about how I’d helped them discover a love for music they never thought they’d like…how organized I was…how much they appreciated my enthusiasm..  I had someone say something about how I was OBVIOUSLY a leader in my profession (ha!)…it was so encouraging, even 10 years after the fact.

Well – you know where this is going – then I read THE ONE.  Of course there was one, right?  Do you want to know what it said?  It said, “While Professor Whitlock is clearly passionate about the material, I couldn’t help but feel like I was sitting in kindergarten every class.”

So, okay – that’s certainly not the worst thing that’s ever been said about me.  J   BUT – out of 70+ evaluations, guess which one I can quote word-for-word?    The others – I only remember generalities.

Ah, the human brain, ladies and gentlemen…

Of course, you don’t have to teach at a university to know the sting of negative comments sent your way, do you?  In fact, those of us in independent teacher land often catch a lot more flack, because negative remarks from students or their families threaten your pride – but ALSO your income.

Sometimes negativity is warranted – I mean, teachers CAN make mistakes, after all – but those times when we feel punched in the gut through no fault of our own?  Yikes.  Those sting.

If you haven’t figured it out already, I love my students, and I get super attached, almost immediately.  There’s a good chance you do, too.  This is almost always a great thing.  But, if you’ve been teaching for any amount of time, I’d be willing to bet you’ve learned it can also leave you with a broken heart.

One of the most difficult situations of my teacher career went down just a few years ago.  It involved a student who I just adored, but our relationship came to a very abrupt conclusion after I was disrespected in a pretty big way by a parent.  This was a student I was really invested in, and it broke my heart.  I cried daily for at least three weeks straight. This student was on my mind so often that I kept calling my other students by her name.  It was ridiculous.  To this day, I hate how that student will never know why I disappeared from her life.  Ugh – I don’t even really want to talk about it, BUT….

I tell this story because it marked kind of an ah-ha moment for me.  You see, at the same time this conflict was happening, my students were in the height of spring-semester festival/competition/recital season … which brings with it TONS of happy parents!  So, amidst ALL of this hurt and sadness and doubt I was feeling, I kept getting this onslaught of texts and emails and thank you gifts…and all these things from parents who actually DIDN’T think I was the worst person on the planet.

It was during that time that I realized I had to make a conscious effort to focus on the expressions of gratitude I was being gifted.  As teachers, we do typically receive the gift of praise and gratitude occasionally through the year.  But, as we’ve already established, it’s all-to-easy to let those expressions get drowned out by one not-so-encouraging comment. One experience.  One review.

Since this is clearly human nature – to focus on the negative – what’s a teacher to do?

Well, I think we need to make the positives impossible to ignore.

Every time a parent sends me a sweet text to tell me how much so-and-so loves their piece this week?  I take a screen shot of it, then it goes in a specific photo album I’ve created in my phone.  My pal Amy Chaplin, who blogs at PianoPantry.com, would probably tell me to create a file for them in Evernote…which is actually a pretty solid idea.  J

It takes a little while to train yourself, but commit now to making this a habit.  Screen shot every email, every text, every happy-piano-parent post on social media that makes you feel good.

You know those sweet notes you get from students at Christmas, or at the end of the school year, or whenever?  Keep a select few in a card box that is easily accessible.  I used to have these grandiose visions of creating beautiful scrapbooks with my students’ cards over the years – which is great for those of you who do it – but is not for me in my current season of life.  J   Instead of filing them all away, keep those extra-special notes or drawings in a place you will actually flip through them regularly.

You get the idea:  Make a habit of COLLECTING ENCOURAGEMENT, and then, make a habit of REVIEWING it OFTEN.

If you’re having a day where imposter syndrome has set in… or if you’re feeling unappreciated, ineffective, whatever… go to your album.  Pull out the cardbox.  READ THOSE BEAUTIFUL WORDS.  Don’t just tuck them away to be forgotten or relegated to the archives of cyberspace.

I’m a big advocate of keeping things in plain sight.  If you’re having a tough time, display a thank you note right where you can see it if it helps.

One more thought:  If you find yourself struggling because you don’t feel like you’re getting much in the way of positive feedback from your studio families, remember this:  as a society, we really stink at showing gratitude.  Some are surely better than others, but really, we all could do so much better.

So, I’d suggest two things:  One, be ulta-intentional about showing gratitude yourself.  I think that energy attracts similar energy.  Do you ever tell your cashier at the grocery they’re really good at their job?  I dare you to:  and watch how you catch them off-guard.  I’m all about reaping and sowing.

Second, just because your studio families aren’t actively telling you they adore you, doesn’t mean that’s not the case.  As my mom likes to remind me, our students generally won’t keep paying us if they’re not actually happy.

BUT – If you would benefit from some encouraging words, have you ever considering asking your studio families for testimonials?  I’ve never been comfortable asking for them, personally… but I am planning a website upgrade in the near future, so I finally mustered up the courage to request some testimonials for the new site last November.  They’re not posted yet, so don’t go hunting for them … but, friends, I can’t tell you how generous my studio families were with their words.

I tried to make it as easy and low-key as I could.  I set up a Testimonial document in Google Forms, giving them an opportunity to speak to their positive experience in my studio.

I emailed the link to current families, letting them know participation was absolutely optional.  I did not collect names in the document, and made sure to point that out so no one would feel obligated.

I kept it simple, and I kept it humble – noting it was outside my comfort zone to ask for these in the first place.

Again, I just can’t tell you how kind the responses were.  Let me read part of one testimonial to you now:

A student’s parent wrote, “Her lessons are magical.  She has a wonderful ability to be nurturing, while retaining high standards.  She is quick to laugh and always has time to hear about her student’s day and interests.  She builds up her students, making them feel that anything is possible, even learning 40 pieces in a few months or performing for over 70 people in December.  She is truly refreshing and worth every penny!”

Truth be told, I’m weirdly embarrassed to read that on this podcast.  I’m not trying to pat myself on the back.  But I’ll ask you this:  Who among us wouldn’t benefit from reading that our lessons are seen as magical?  That our efforts to connect with students are noticed?  That we are WORTH what we charge?

Um – I don’t know about you – but I can most definitely use more of that in my life.  And yes, I asked for it, but in a very no-pressure way.  And now I have a dozen of similarly-generous responses at my disposal any time I want them.

My next step is to follow-up with graduated students.  I’ve been watching my pal Charlene Shelzi post some of those on social media lately and it’s super heartwarming.

The last thing I’ll note, is the fact that I am admittedly terrible at receiving compliments and/or acknowledging when I’ve done a job well.  Truthfully, it took me WEEKS to open that Testimonial Document and read what my studio parents had submitted.  I knew it would be positive…but there’s something innate in me that has a very hard time receiving it.

BUT – at the same time –  since we’ve acknowledged the truth that we do absorb negative ideas so easily, it’s all the more important that we actively seek out ways to feed ourselves positive thoughts as often as possible.

(music)

And – with that – please allow me to pour some positive affirmations into your brain with the following toast to you:

Music Teacher Friends of the World:  Today is a day to celebrate the good you bring to your corner of the world every day.  As a teacher of music, you are benefitting your studios intellectually, emotionally, physiologically, and artistically every lesson, and with every performance activity.  If you’re anything like me, your spring performance obligations are starting to hit the calendar, and that brings with it a different set of stressors and emotions.  You are creating memories and opportunities for your students all the time.  Experiences they will carry with them for a lifetime.  You do not have to be perfect.  You do not have to fear judgement from others.  You simply have to encourage the next student in front of you to keep growing.  And you have to trust that you are the person to do the job.

Thank you for sharing your heart with the world, my friend.  Here here.

Okay!  So – takeaway from episode 20?  Surround yourself with as many positive reminders of the gifts you’ve been given!  Go back through text or email conversations tonight as you’re watching tv and screen shot anything that makes you smile.  Go retrieve some sweet notes from those file folders you’ve been storing and let yourself receive the kindness once again.  Be quick to extend gratitude to others this week, and I’ll be surprised if it isn’t return to you.

Thanks so much, my friends!  Speaking of gratitude, if any of you feels so led to hop over to Apple Podcasts and leave a positive review for ME to enjoy this week!  True to form…I *really* hate asking, but I promise you will make my day.

Come follow me on Instagram and Facebook.  I’m there at BeyondMeasurePodcast, and if you need a different way to get ahold of me, you can always email [email protected].  I have several speaking engagements coming up so you’ll be able to find more details there.

Thanks a bunch, my friends!  I’ll look forward to chatting again soon.  Let’s make it the best week yet.