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Hello, music teacher friends!  Welcome to Episode number 74 of the Beyond Measure Podcast.  My name is Christina Whitlock, and I like to hang out here to serve as your Anytime Piano Teacher Friend. Today is a very special episode… something you can probably ALL relate to.  Yep, today we’re talking about CHATTY STUDENTS.  Oh yeah. It’s going to be good.

In the past, we’ve talked about several different types of students we all encounter from time to time.  I talked about the Quiet Ones WAY back in Episode 5, and I talked about the Challenging Ones in Episode 61.  Today, we talk about the Chatty Ones.  You know: those students who would talk their ENTIRE lesson away if they could?

Well, I have a long history as this kind of student.  Because – HA – no surprise to anyone… I *was* this kind of student! 😊

I’ve mentioned before here that I took lessons with my first pre-college teacher for 10 years.  She and I definitely developed a friendship over those years, and by the time I was in middle school, I had been hired by the local music store to take the students she couldn’t.  Small town living…I’m telling you.

Once that phase of my life began, a lot of our lesson time shifted to talking about teaching.  Well, to be honest, it actually shifted more to trading stories of the strange working environment we’d been a part of at that particular music store… but, regardless, we had a lot to talk about.  😊  Especially combined with the fact that I had clearly progressed past the levels which she was confident teaching, we were both eager to pass lesson time by swapping stories and laughing at things only we could understand (I should also add, she was a pretty young teacher, too).

I will never forget one particular week when my mom dropped me off for my lesson.  My teacher and I did not play the piano ONCE that lesson.  We were just trading stories about the haphazard business practices we’d witnessed, and… well, before we knew it, time was up.

I went out to the car, only to find my mom FURIOUS.  See…I didn’t realize there was a small window that happened to look right down into my teacher’s basement studio.  My mom had sat in the car, watching our lesson THE ENTIRE TIME, and noted – accurately – that I had not even touched the piano one time.

For the record, that was an extreme case, but feeling like I’d been caught wasting my parents’ money was a feeling I QUICKLY realized I did not enjoy.  Of course, in hindsight, I will say it was surely my teacher’s responsibility to redirect me into productive study time, but I certainly didn’t help matters at the time.  Moving forward, though, I became very cognizant of how much time we spent chatting, and how much time we spent playing.

That experience also helped shape me as a teacher.  I realized *I* never wanted to be guilty of talking an entire lesson away…. Even though, goodness knows I’m capable of it! 😊

I became a master at redirection.  For the early years of my teaching, I took cues from parents who clearly felt chit-chat was lesson time wasted. I would get antsy when a student told me story after story. I wanted to WORK.  That’s what I was being paid to do, right?

Well, as with most things… the real answer lies somewhere in the middle.

Several years into my teaching career, a sweet middle school-aged girl arrived for her lesson and exploded into tears almost immediately.  It was a scenario many of us recognize:  she was a high-achieving student with too-many commitments on her plate, and she felt like she was letting everyone down by failing to achieve top successes in all aspects of her life.  At first, I tried and tried to redirect her.  After all, if I could just get her to play, she would feel better, right?  Playing an instrument is great for emotional regulation.  Well, while that is often the case… it was NOT HAPPENING with this poor girl.  It became quickly apparent she needed someone to listen to her, and we were not going to get ANYTHING done until she got some emotions out.  So, I listened to her.  My heart broke as I identified with the pressure she felt to be a superstar at everything. I gave her the best advice I could, but I mostly let her talk.  Once I let her get everything out, she was ready to play.  We managed to work through a piece or two, and, true to expectation, the healing power of playing music helped lift her spirits.  The bond I felt with that student from that day forth was something really special.  It was one of the first times I realized the true power and influence we have over these students, and the responsibility we hold to let them know we see them as humans first and music students second.

So… the question remains:  What do we do with students who just want to talk their entire lessons away?

Well, I have a few thoughts on the matter.

• First of all, I have a Philosophy of Teaching all incoming studio parents must read. I talk more about that philosophy statement in episode number 13 of this podcast, and I’ll link that in the shownotes for this episode.  In my philosophy, I have a statement that reads, “Relationships are key to successful music study. As a teacher, my students need to know I am equally invested in them as artists and as human beings.  Therefore, what might be perceived as student “chattiness” may actually be an important aspect of building the teacher-student bond.”

I think this is really important, and it’s helpful to re-direct parents here when they seem to get antsy about the amount of talking their child is doing in lessons.   After all, I don’t know about you, but I find it SO DISRUPTIVE for parents to constantly interject into the lesson and tell their kiddo, “stop talking and start working!” “more playing, less talking!”, etc. Am I right?

I try to repeat this point to my new studio parents at the first or second lesson.  I just try to make it clear that a little bit of story time or following their imaginations down a little rabbit trail is actually not a detriment to the lesson itself.  I *want* my students to come to their lessons excited to tell me things.  I don’t know about you, but being let into the world of a young person’s imagination is a beautiful gift.

So, yes: don’t be afraid to let your studio families understand that a little conversation time should NOT be seen as a waste.  Instead, it’s helping to reinforce the relationship – which will ultimately inspire the student to work harder and take their studies more seriously.

It might take a reminder or two, but I’ve never encountered a parents who argued with that philosophy once I explained it.  And, if I ever encountered someone who did, I would simply let them know I’m not the right fit for their expectations.  I want to hear what my students are excited about in their life.  I want to know what is making them feel the way they’re feeling in any given lesson.  As someone who prides herself on an individualized lesson experience, these details are really important in knowing how to guide each student to their best results.

Okay, so, I know it sounds like I have this all figured out. But.  I will confess, this is one of those complexities I now understand FAR BETTER, now that I am PARENTING a chatty little musician.

My five year old takes Suzuki violin with a most incredible teacher – shoutout to Tiffany Arnold, we LOVE you! – but yeah…  while my older daughter is quiet and processes EVERYTHING internally… her little sister is the polar opposite.  And we are SO fortunate to have Mrs. Arnold, who rolls effortlessly with the curveballs my kiddo throws her way, and interacts so patiently with her.

But do you know what is SO HARD?  Keeping my OWN mouth shut! 😊  Oh my goodness. The number of times I bite my tongue because I know better… but STILL end up jumping in and telling her to focus and stop playing around is … I don’t know.  It’s A LOT.

I’m only mentioning this as a reminder to be gracious with those studio parents, friends.  Even when we know better, it’s still just SO HARD to keep our mouths shut.  Don’t be afraid to say, “Hey – I can tell you get a little frustrated with Johnny when he tells me a story, but I want you to know it’s okay.  I actually think it’s great he wants to let me into his world and know what he’s thinking.  It’s really important.  Trust me – I’ll get him back on track.  Sometimes they just have to get these things out before we can move on.”

And, trust me, as someone who processes things verbally, that’s 100% true.  Sometimes you just have to say things out loud before you can move on in a focused manner.

I digress.

Okay. So.  We’ve established it’s important to communicate to parents that a little chattiness should not be seen as time wasted.  We’ve also established this is still hard for parents, even when they know you are right. 😊

But… if we’re telling parents to trust us to be able to get out chatty students back on track during a lesson, the question is:  How do we do that?

I have one primary rule when it comes to off-topic conversations in the lesson:  Listen, but don’t contribute.

Meaning: let’s say a student sits down and says, “oh man.  I’ve had the worst headache all day.”  You COULD say, “Oh, man… me too!  I think it’s because the weather is changing and that always makes my head go crazy. It’s been so hard to concentrate today.”  At which point your student might say, “Tell me about it.  We had a fire alarm go off at school today and I thought my head was going to explode.”… to which you could say, “Oh those fire alarms are THE WORST.  My college professor used to carry ear plugs in his pockets just in case he ever got stuck in a building when they were going off”.  And your student might say, “Really?  Wow … that’s crazy.”

And that, my friends, is how easily lessons get de-railed. If we rewound that conversation to your student sitting down and saying, “Oh man.  I’ve had the worst headache all day.” And you simply replied, “I am so sorry to hear that.”, you’ve eliminated all the other stuff that took away from the lesson.  Bonus points if you followed up with a comment like,  “Let’s explore some quiet sounds to get started today and see where we go from there.”

And that’s that, friends:  my favorite strategy when it comes to the chatty students.  Listen, but don’t contribute.  Again, you don’t want to dismiss the things your students want to tell you.  It’s important our students know we’re listening.  Don’t steamroll over their words in the name of productivity.  Listen earnestly to what they say – but not from a standpoint of just wanting to respond.  Hear me:  TOO MANY PEOPLE worry more about what they’re going to say next, rather than genuinely listening to what’s being told to them in the first place.  It’s a real issue. That could also be it’s own episode.   But do me a favor and take notice of how you respond to your chatty students.  You might be surprised what you notice now that I’ve brought it to your attention.

And, with that in mind, here’s a toast for you this week:

Music teacher friends of the world – Thanks for your efforts to bring your best to every student you encounter.  The art of music instruction is complicated enough, but adding an infinite variety of student personalities into the mix means no two lessons are ever quite alike.  On one hand, I know – we often thrive on the variety.  But, it also means we find ourselves thrown off kilter sometimes.  It means we can’t hold our own plans or expectations too tightly.  Every lesson is a new exploration.  There is no autopilot in music teaching.  I know some have tried, but not with success.  So, whether it be chatty students or quiet students, or all things in between, I raise my glass to you today and give you ALL THE ACCOLADES for doing your best to be a positive influence on the lives of your students.   Cheers to you, my music teacher friends!  Here, here.

Thanks for listening to Episode 74.  As I was writing this episode, I was thinking about ALL the hilarious conversations I’ve had with students over the years.  I’m sure you have a few favorites as well.  Will you do me a favor?  Think of the best conversation – or conversations – you’ve ever had with a student, and then send me a note.  Submissions might even make their way onto a future episode.  You just never know! 😊   You can DM me your stories on Facebook or Instagram, you can email them to me at [email protected], or – even better – you can leave me a voicemail at the link in the shownotes.  I can’t wait to hear your favorite student conversations.

Onward and upward, teacher friends!  It’s going to be a great week.