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Episode 159: Cheers to Overcoming the Weight of “Potential”

Hello, my teacher friends.  Welcome to the Beyond Measure Podcast, which exists to provide a weekly source of solidarity for studio music teachers.  My name is Christina Whitlock, and I am here serving as your Self-Appointed Anytime Piano Teacher Friend. I am able to do this work thanks to those who support me on Patreon for as little as $3/month.  If you feel as though you’ve received $3 worth of value from my podcast last month, please consider signing up at Patreon.com/beyondmeasurepodcast. And now, let’s get on with the show!  You are listening to episode 159 of the Beyond Measure Podcast, Cheers to Overcoming the Weight of “Potential”.

When we look at ways to cultivate a satisfying teacher life, I think there are few things that get in our way more than this notion of “potential”.

When a student unexpectedly stops lessons?  We tend to pout about all their POTENTIAL.

When our own children choose different passions than ours?  We lament their POTENTIAL for the thing we love.

When students aren’t practicing enough for our liking?  What do we say? They are squandering their POTENTIAL.

When we think about limitations life has put on us?  We wonder about our own POTENTIAL: where it went, where we went wrong… whatever.

Don’t get me wrong; potential is, really, the stuff of teacher life. Right?  I mean, what kind of educators would we be if we *didn’t* look at our students as infinite fountains of possibility?  Our belief in their ability to accomplish great things is a cornerstone of what we do.

But I have to wonder, how much joy is sapped from musical experience in the name of potential?

Have you ever been blinded by your own assessments of student potential in a way that sends them down a path they don’t actually want to travel?  I know I have.

Have you ever been discouraged by a performance you’ve given, knowing you could have/should have played better?  I imagine that one applies to all of us… and why?  Because we had the potential to do better, right?

I always laugh to myself when teachers talk about students who leave before realizing their full potential.  I mean, that stings, right?

It is so hard on us to see talented, capable students leave our studios when we know they could do more.

…but here’s the thing:  who among us has realized our FULLEST potential?

I mean – have YOU accomplished everything YOU can possibly do on your instrument?  I know I haven’t.

Even outside of music – are there a million things you COULD have done… skills you COULD have honed… but, for whatever reason, didn’t?  Of course!

The notion of someone’s “fullest potential” – is a moving target and it is NOT something we should used to determine any measure of success.

It’s kind of maddening, though… right? To accept the fact that you are CAPABLE of doing more, but won’t ever accomplish it all?  I’m not saying this is an easy pill to swallow. I struggle with that.

But I do think it is one of those truths we need to hear to make way for more satisfaction in our TeacherLives.  I think we need to make peace with the fact that NO ONE – not us, and not our students – are ever going to accomplish what we call “fullest potential”.

Besides – how many times are we WRONG about someone’s likely future accomplishments?  How many students have went on to accomplish more than you ever expected them to?  And, likewise, how many students start out picking up concepts lightening fast, and then end up stalling out as they get older?

It should come as no surprise that I see making music as the long game.  As they say, it’s a marathon; not a sprint, right?  There are MANY ways to consider ourselves successful in developing lifelong musicians… but considering the outcomes of who did or did not reach their “potential”?  That’s not one of them.

Today, we are releasing that weight, friends.  The weight of this wiley concept called potential.  We’re letting it go.

Let me tell you a story from outside of Music Teacher World:

The summer before I left for undergrad, in addition to my piano teaching, I took on a job as a cashier at a local department store.  Picture a micro-version of Target, set in a tiny country town.

I’m going to tell you something that may surprise you:  I *loved* being a cashier.  Seriously.  If I could make a fulltime living doing it, there’s a very good chance I would choose to be camped out behind a register, making small talk with people buying their toilet paper and socks.

It was such a game to me. People generally hold very low expectations for their cashier.  They would assume I was going to be grumpy, or… I don’t know; blasé?  They likely assumed I was there to collect a paycheck and call it a day.

Well, friends… I took this as a supreme challenge.  I loved watching customers, like, “melt” before my very eyes.  When something wouldn’t ring up the correct price? You could visibly see a person steel themselves; preparing for a fight.  They were sure they were going to have to fight for their desired price.  Instead, I’d say, “Sure. Let me call someone to check that sign for you.”  And if they grumbled about being in a hurry? I’d say over the phone, “let’s make this happen as quickly as possible, please. This gentleman needs to move on with his day.”

There’s probably a whole episode lurking here about the Teacher Lessons I learned in my short time working retail… but I will say this: people just want to be seen. They want their feelings to be acknowledged, but experience has taught them that is not going to be the case. People approach cashiers and the like assuming they are going to be ignored and seen as a nuisance.  A lot has changed since the year 2000 when I was cashiering, but I can say for certain, this is more true today than ever.

And when you show them that expectation is NOT, in fact, the case?  Oh, friends.  It is SO FUN to watch someone change their tune.  It is hands-down the best part of that kind of work.

I would have regular customers actually wait in my line when others were open because they appreciated the way I did my work. Elderly gentlemen told me just about every shift how more people needed to do their job like me.

ANYWAY – this isn’t a story about what an awesome cashier I was – Back to the problem of potential!

Obviously, I did my job well.  And when it came down to my final week at the store before moving away to college, my store manager asked to meet with me.  He told me he knew this was a longshot, but he saw so much potential in me (ahem) that if I decided NOT to leave for college, he would greenlight me to be promoted to the Customer Service Desk.  I have no idea how this translates today, but back then, the people who worked the Customer Service Desk were a big deal.  😊  They seemed to know everything about everything and they could make actual decisions about things in the store. They also made an actual, living wage.

So I sat through this spiel about my great potential with the future of this retail company… and thanked him for the opportunity but said, “yeah… I’m going to college.”

And herein lies the lesson:  From this man’s perspective, where the retail world was King, he saw potential in me to do great things.  To climb that ladder.  And I’m sure I could have. I had the potential to work that Customer Service Desk and move on up to whatever was next… right?

…but I didn’t.  And – I’m sure you would agree – it’s FINE that I didn’t.

Afterall, just because you COULD, doesn’t mean you SHOULD.

Here’s another one:

Once upon a time, I had this BRILLIANT student.  To this day, the most gifted musician I’ve worked with (and I don’t use that term lightly).  This guy ATE MUSIC UP.  He couldn’t get enough.  He wanted to play anything and everything, and he could do it. He was even BUILT like a pianist. He was tall and thin and had these long, spindly fingers… technique came so naturally to him.  He really defied the odds in so many ways.

We were prepping auditions at major music schools, playing concerto competitions, the whole bit.  At the start of his senior year, he came to me one day and told me he’d changed his mind and he didn’t want to go to college right away.  Instead, he was enrolling in WELDING CLASSES, and wanted to work for awhile before going to school.  He wanted to learn a trade so he always had financial security, so he could pursue whatever music interests came his way later in life.

I felt like I had whiplash. The only thing this young man had ever expressed to me was pursuing a career in piano performance and in teaching.  And – if ANY of my students could have done so, it would have been him. He had ALL the potential in this field.

And… when he first told me this, I confess; got a little panicky inside my own head.  He COULDN’T do this, right? I NEVER recommend students go to school exclusively for music performance but this kid could have done it!

At the same time: Is there anything wrong with his plan?  Of course not. It actually makes a LOT of sense.  And this was several years ago, and I can tell you: he’s doing so well. Those long, agile fingers have become a tremendous asset to him as a welder.

I think we can ALL recognize the value in learning a skilled trade to subsidize whatever musical ambitions we have, right? It doesn’t have to be the path for everyone, but it’s certainly nothing to turn your nose up at…

And yet – there’s this reality to being a lifelong musician and piano teacher, where so much of my perspective is framed around this work I do.  You and I have this in common, friend.  We can’t help but quietly assess a student’s potential when we hear them play.  Again, it’s a critical part of what we do.  But I hope we never wear this idea of “potential” like a weight around our necks.  Or – even moreso – I hope we never place it over the necks of our students, or our own children.

We all know musicians are building a wide variety of skillsets while we work at the instrument.  And the truth is, those are skillsets that can be used in MANY different ways.  This goes for you, for me, and for ALL of our students.

Now, friends, it’s time for a toast, followed by a new Teacher Friend of the Week.  Get excited.  First, we toast:

Studio music teacher friends from all around the world: I need you to do me a favor and cast a wider vision for yourself, and for your students.  Okay?  I am begging you to acknowledge there are a vast number of possibilities that will result in good things for each of us. Be cautious not to limit options based on a narrow view of potential outcomes. The truth is this: regardless of how long a student studies with us or what musical opportunities they do or do not choose to participate in along the way, we have potential to influence their lives for the better.  Even when our students choose paths we don’t understand or don’t agree with.  Do not weigh yourself – or others – down with the burden of “potential”. I’m raising my glass WAY up in the air for that one, friends.  I hope you’ll do the same.  Here, here.

Okay, friends!  Great news:  I have a new Teacher Friend of the Week to share with you.  Woohoo!  Our Teacher Friend of the Week is none other than Marian Pease.  Marian is a terrific supporter of mine, and she recently made a post in my Facebook Group.  The name of that group, by the way, is Teacher Friends of the Beyond Measure Podcast… and if you’re not in there, you should be.  It’s a great place to vet ideas when you want a smaller sampling of opinions from a trusted group of teachers.  Anyway… in that group, Marian Pease shared that she’d recently begun utilizing one of my recommended fidget toys to help stop her students from playing while she was talking. My favorite fidget toy is what’s called a Marble Mesh.  It’s literally a marble inside a mesh sleeve.  It’s quiet, but good sensory stimulation for fidgety kiddos.  I have them linked on my list of favorite things, which can be found at ChristinaWhitlock.com/favorites.

Anway, Marian Pease – Teacher Friend of the Week – posted a story saying she’d been using these toys for a few weeks.  The short version, she says?  100% success rate.  I love that.  Marian told us about a student who she’s had for 6 years, who told her how much she appreciated having this fidget available.  Her student said, “Do you know how hard it is NOT to play the piano while you are instructing?”  Ah, I love this so much.  Marian went on to say, “We had a short discussion and evidently it has been one of the hardest things for her and I NEVER knew.”  It just goes to show that we NEVER know what is going on in our students’ minds.  We’ll never know the preoccupations in our students’ brains, but if you struggle with students who play while you’re talking, or seem overly-anxious, I strongly suggest you try casually handing them something to fidget with.  There are plenty of options these days, but I love the marble mesh because it’s silent, it’s simple, not distracting in any way, and it is also very INEXPENSIVE.  Find the ones I love at ChristinaWhitlock.com/favorites.

Congratulations, Marian Pease for being our Teacher Friend of the Week!

As for the rest of you, thanks – as always – for being here.  Thanks for sharing this podcast with your teacher friends and for sharing the love of this work with me.  You are the absolute best.

Onward and upward toward releasing the weight of potential, friends!  I’ll be back with you next week!