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Hello, teacher friends! Welcome to your weekly shout-out of solidarity, otherwise known as The Beyond Measure Podcast. Christina Whitlock here, your host and self-appointed Anytime Piano Teacher Friend.

This show generally keeps itself to a glorious 20 minutes or less thanks to the fact that you don’t have to listen to me talk about vitamins or footwear that I may or may not actually like. That’s right; this is an ad-free space because of those who support me over in my Patreon Community. If you would like to be part of what keeps this show running – and score yourself some terrific camaraderie from other incredible teachers at the same time – head over to ChristinaWhitlock.com/patreon to sign up for just $3. Thanks in advance, my friends!

And now: On with the show! You are listening to Episode 164 – and it’s a good one: Cheers to Reducing Confusion, Intimidation, and Embarrassment.
You may or may not know that I meet with a handful of studio teachers each month to offer advice on a myriad of topics. Some book consultations to enlist my help creating verbiage for new tuition rates or studio policies, some want help planning studio events, and others want to flesh out their understanding of how to better teach specific concepts like reading or rhythm. It’s a great part of the work I do in the teacher community these days. After all, if you can’t tell, I count any time spent with other teachers as a win-win situation. Anyway – I say all that because, every now and then, there are themes that emerge in these consult sessions. When I find myself saying the same thing to three or four teachers in the same month, I know I should probably release an episode on that topic… and today is one such day.

Today’s advice stems from a well-known quote by mathematician Larry Martinek, who once wrote: “Children don’t hate math. What they hate is being confused, intimidated, and embarrassed by math.” He went on to say, “With understanding comes passion, and with passion comes growth – a treasure is unlocked”.

Larry might have been talking about math here, but he might as well have been talking about piano lessons. 😊 Or the pursuit of any skill, for that matter.
Children don’t hate math – or practicing their instrument. What they hate is being confused, intimidated, and embarrassed by that thing. Avoiding those three qualities: Confusion, Intimidation, and Embarrassment, is our focus for today.

This all goes back to remembering what it’s like to be a beginner. Try as we might, there are just so many aspects of a lesson that we’ve become calloused to. We become engrained in our routines, we forget how new and how uncomfortable the process of learning an instrument can be.

I think those feelings we’re focusing on today – Confusion, Intimidation, and Embarrassment – are absolutely THE reason we lose students… or the reason people never pick up an instrument in the first place.

And, furthermore, I believe it’s these three feelings – Confusion, Intimidation, and Embarrassment – that keep kids from practicing more enthusiastically at home.

Yes, kids are overscheduled. Yes, some of them lack discipline.

But I’m here to tell you: if they didn’t ALSO have to fight through these feelings of discomfort? If they didn’t see practice time as confusing or intimidating? If they didn’t feel EMBARRASED coming back to your studio seven days later knowing they were not going to meet your expectations?

If they DIDN’T HAVE all these other barriers to entry? Kids would play their instruments more at home. You will not convince me otherwise.
Traditionally, those of us who reach high levels of achievement in music are those who can fight through these feelings. We’re the success stories, right? It worked for us. But we are also a very small percentage of the population, compared to all those who have taken a first piano lesson.

And this is where I feel teachers contradict themselves sometimes. We want our students to embrace music study like we did, but WE are the exceptions. So if we want studios full of enthusiastic, growing musicians, the ticket is NOT to expect students to push through all the uncomfortable feelings we did. Rather, it’s to do whatever we can to keep them coming back. With time is going to come skill. With skill is going to come confidence. With confidence will come contentment at the instrument.

Lest you think I’m going “too soft” here, let me remind you: the skills we are teaching at the instrument ARE innately challenging. Students WILL develop grit and other important work habits through music study, even when we actively seek to reduce intimidation and confusion. It’s inevitable. And it’s great. I just know some of you are hearing this and are tempted to throw shade at “kids these days” and their inability to push through difficult emotions.
I happen to be a big fan of kids these days, and I will always champion them and the way they fight through this wild world of ours. If you feel that judgement bubbling up inside of you, let that one go, friend. Because, again, kids have been quitting instruments due to confusion, intimidation, and embarrassment for centuries. We’re just the exceptions.

SO: Let’s get down to brass tacks. How do we actively reduce these negative emotions from a student’s experience?

First and foremost, we examine what we are asking students to do at home.

For example: Elementary-level students should not be tasked with figuring things out throughout the week. As in: until your students have proven themselves as independent sightreaders, they should not be expected to be decoding their music at home throughout the week. I try my best to avoid assigning new sections of a piece to an elementary student if we haven’t been able to walk through them sufficiently in the lesson. Anything they are tasked with learning at home needs to be sightreadable. Everything else assigned should be review from work done thoroughly during the lesson itself.

My philosophy with elementary students is this: Learning to sit down at the piano each day is a skill unto itself. I want young students to develop an expectation of their day that includes sitting at the piano. This is SO MUCH LESS LIKELY to happen if they are unsure of what to do when they sit down. This is why I believe so strongly in assigning review pieces as well as new repertoire. This is why students SHOULD sit and play “for fun”. They SHOULD improvise and plunk around and do things parents will often label, “messing around”. My teaching philosophy makes this very clear, even before the initial interview, that ALL kinds of play should be encouraged at home: including things assigned, and things not assigned.

But yes – more than anything, I want my students to establish daily routines that include sitting at the piano. So, in order to accomplish that, their weekly practice assignments are all things they’ve already proven they can do in their lesson.

If they’re struggling to read what’s in front of them… if I’ve had to prompt and correct and hold their hand through every note of a piece, it is not ready for them to be assigned for the week. We’ll keep working on it next lesson, and I’ll assign them something they CAN achieve for the week.
Because developing that habit of sitting at the piano each day is infinitely easier when they see it as playing something they already know, versus needing to sit down and figure it out.

Now, as students become more independent readers, that’s a different story… but let’s be honest: truly independent sightreading skills often develop much later than we like to admit.

(Ahem)

Beyond their weekly assignments, we teachers need to be mindful to give our students as many “quick wins” within the lesson as possible. This does not mean patronizing your students and doling out empty praise at every turn. Rather, it means properly breaking down concepts so they can feel successful each step of the way. They’ll still recognizing the challenge we’re providing; they just feel CAPABLE, rather than INTIMIDATED or EMBARRASED.
We all know making mistakes is par for the course here. We probably tell our students all the time how okay it is to make mistakes. But I’ve been told that my entire life, and you’d better believe I still feel mortified every time I make the slightest error. I don’t like it. I had a page-turning debacle at a recent middle school choir performance and you’d better believe it sent me into a FUNK. I hate making mistakes. And if I wasn’t already fully invested in this whole piano thing, the level of discomfort this brings about in me would make it easy to want to walk away.
And, again, if *I* feel that way: Me – someone who has heard it all AND said it all – you’d better believe our students are feeling it.

Embarrassment is a POWERFUL emotion. It’s not one our students get over easily. So, the best way to combat embarrassment is to build in as many victories as we can to the lesson experience. This includes things like ensuring students are prepared for performances: that they are playing suitable repertoire and have prepared on a timeline that is going to set them up for success.

It means when I ask them to try something in the lesson, I use words like, “Let’s experiment with something. If it doesn’t go well, it’s my fault for asking”.
It means breaking concepts down into small enough pieces for a beginner to truly understand.
It means being a careful observer of your student: Did they hesitate when they answered your question? Don’t be too quick to move on just because you have an agenda; pause and unpack that concept until there are NO question marks remaining.

I just have to say, THIS is why following a method series without an abundance of other materials is a losing strategy. A method book is a static resource and – as great as they are – they cannot flex with a live human being sitting across from you. I have an incredibly affordable resource on my website called Making the Most of Your Chosen Method that walks you through THE number one exercise I recommend to my pedagogy students to make sure they are teaching the student in front of them, not just flipping pages of a book. I’d love for you to check it out at ChristinaWhitlock.com/methods.
We could talk about ways to eliminate these three negative emotions all day, but I think the most important takeaway today is to recognize their danger. I think we need to look upon these three: Confusion, Intimidation, and Embarrassment as POISON to the experience we provide. Again, they are surely inevitable. But, instead of blaming student exits on your music choices, or studio parents, or lack of determination, or WHATEVER the case may be… try blaming Confusion. Blame Intimidation. Blame Embarrassment. And then see what you can do to ruthlessly reduce those elements in your lesson experience. More victory, less confusion. Again, that’s how you keep students in the studio, friends. And, as long as they’re coming back, we have the opportunity to continue enhancing their lives for the better.
Sigh. Grab the nearest beverage and hoist it into the air with me, friends! It’s time for a toast:

Studio Music Teacher Friends from all around the world – today, we’re celebrating YOU. You; the EXCEPTION! You, who pushed through these negative emotions in your own study. You, who did not let confusion, intimidation, or embarrassment deter you from studying your instrument. What a marvel you are! I’m so happy we made it here together. And now, we set our sights on serving future generations EVEN BETTER than we had it. May we remain mindful of the poison these elements inflict on our lesson experiences. May we seek CLARITY over confusion. COMPETENCE over intimidation. ACCOMPLISHMENT over embarrassment. As Larry Martinek said: with understanding comes passion, and with passion comes growth. And growth, friends, is the name of the game. We want students to continue growing, and we want to continue growing ourselves. Again, I’m just so happy to be along for the ride with you. Cheers to you, my growth-minded teacher friend. Here, here.
This is an important episode. I hope you share it with your teacher friends because I truly believe this is THE MESSAGE our profession needs to hear this week.

And – speaking of Teacher Friends – let’s celebrate our Teacher Friend of the Week, shall we? This week’s TFOTW is my friend, Diane Dean-Johnson. Diane Dean-Johnson is an active member of my Patreon community, and one of those consult clients I talked about at the beginning of this episode. Diane has a story like many of you: she came to piano teaching later in life, and often finds herself wondering if she’s doing it, “right”. Here’s what I often remind Diane, and I’ll remind you today, too: ALL of our unique life experiences feed into the kind of teacher we are. We’re all really good at naming our deficits; the things we DIDN’T do in life that would have benefited our teaching. Yet, we often fail to recognize the MANY aspects of our lives that DO benefit our teaching. Diane spent many years in public education, and that; her understanding of student diversity and how they learn, amongst SO MANY OTHER THINGS is an absolute superpower she brings to the table as a piano teacher. She has perspectives on students from being in the classroom setting with them that I will never have. I love the way she is growing, taking steps to further her understanding of piano-specific concepts, yet also embracing that which she knows. Trusting her experiences. Believing she has much to offer this profession. Sigh. It’s EVERYTHING, friends. Anyway. Diane Dean-Johnson, congratulations on being this week’s Teacher Friend of the Week. We applaud you and the good work you’re doing in this world.

Phew! That will do it for Episode 164, friends! As always, I’m going to link several past episodes of this podcast in today’s shownotes. That includes remembering what it’s like to be a beginner (episode 089), Kids These Days (episode 145), Un-Hurrying Your Elementary Aged Students (episode 108), preparing students for performance (Episodes 64-66), Bouncing Back When You Disappoint Yourself (Episode 071). You can find shownotes for today’s episode at ChristinaWhitlock.com/Episode164, or by clicking for details on this episode in your podcasting app of choice. You will also find links to that Methods resource I mentioned, as well as my Studio Foundations Course, which contains a whole unit on embracing what makes YOU a unique teacher, just as Diane has done.

Onward and upward, my teacher friends! We’ve got such important work to do.