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Episode 187:  Cheers to Fostering REAL Parental Investment in Lessons

Well, hello, studio teacher friends!  Welcome to the Beyond Measure Podcast, your weekly shout-out of solidarity in the music teaching profession.  My name is Christina Whitlock; I am your host and self-appointed Anytime Piano Teacher Friend.  If you’ve been searching for like-minded teachers who embrace things like humility, curiosity, and the fact that we will never know it all… look no further, because you’ve found ‘em.  Welcome to your people. Seriously – some of THE best teachers from around the globe have rallied around this show, and we’re so glad you’re here with us today. So – without further delay – let’s get on with the show!

We ALL know the importance of parental involvement in the lesson experience.  And if you’ve been around this podcast for any length of time, you know that I choose to believe the best when it comes to all my studio families.  There are several episodes on that topic and what it means to run a studio based on symbiotic relationships, and I’ll link those in the shownotes for today’s episode.

But just to recap some of those ideas, I’ll simply say this:  There is no need for power struggles in the studio.  Meaning, I have no desire to work with families who are going to take a posture of, “I pay you, so I call the shots.  You work for me.”  Like, no thank you.

BUT – at the same time – I also have no desire to take the stance of, “I’M the teacher.  You do what I say.  You’re lucky to even have a spot on my roster.”

Neither of those approaches are necessary – or beneficial – to the studio dynamic.  My families know I respect and admire them, and they respect and admire me right back.

We BUILD that kind of relationship genuinely.  I truly *do* respect and admire my studio families.

As I confessed in my One Thought Thursday e-letter a few weeks back, I feel like I’m in my toughest season of parenting yet.  I’ve got a freshman in high school and a third grader and – phew – those are some wildly contrasting stages of human development.

And – while I’ve ALWAYS had success trusting my studio parents are doing the best they know how to do – I’ve just been walloped over the head with the hammer of grace this year.  Parenting is HARD.  It is SO hard.  And it’s a million other wonderful things, too. But it IS a challenge, and we really need to step back on the judgement and the frustration we lobby towards our studio families.

I contend the secret to a satisfying teacher life is believing in your right to your own boundaries, and maintaining them.  Then, you need to remember every studio family has the same right. They get to set their own boundaries, and they get to put the work in maintaining them.  And if your boundaries don’t jive with one another, then no one has to take it personally.

Anyway – before I just complete recap MANY previous episodes of this show – let’s talk about parental INVESTMENT.

The truth is, one of the key components of student success is for them to feel INVESTED IN. Right? Students need to feel invested in by us – their teachers – and, ideally, their parents.

But when you ask parents to “invest in their child’s musical education”, their first thought is likely, “I *do* invest in my child’s musical education.  I pay his teacher ALL THIS MONEY.”  Right?

I’m so guilty of this same thing.  As adults, we all feel financial pressures. Even your families who you think have “all this money”… you never know the full truth and, generally speaking, people do not amass big money without being conscious over where their dollars go.

Our personal feelings about money direct a lot of our daily decisions, and even many of the ways we choose to show up in this world. This is true of US, and it’s true of our studio families.

Suffice to say, the word “invest” is inevitably linked with money.

But we all know that FINANCIAL investments aren’t the ones that motivate students.

I’ve had several students over the years whose parents are very intentional to hand their monthly payment TO the student, so THEY can hand it to me.  These parents want it to be crystal clear that they are paying substantial money for the privilege of taking lessons.  That’s a whole philosophy I’m not really on board with… but I’ve worked hard over the years to make sure my studio parents understand that INVESTING in their children’s musical experiences goes way beyond their bank accounts.

I’ve tried several things over the years, but I wanted to share with you an idea that I got from my friend, Valerie Merrel.  Valerie is a teacher currently residing in the Indianapolis area, though she’s lived in many areas of the country and is consistently a source of inspiration for me. She’s also a member of my Beyond Measure Community on Patreon and I love her for that, too.

This summer, Valerie shared with me that she filmed a Parent Training video, of sorts, for her studio parents at the start of this school year.

I know what you’re thinking:  “My parents won’t WATCH a training video!”.  Well, I’m here to say, you might be surprised.

In fact, I believe Valerie even embedded a discount code or something in her video.  She gave some kind of instruction, like, “to demonstrate you’ve watched this video, email me such-and-such and I will give you a $10 credit to next month’s tuition”.  Or something like that.  Please don’t quote me on the exact incentive. 😊

I’ve long admired teachers who organize back-to-school parent events.  I’m thinking of teachers like Sarah Boyd – another one of my community members – who hosts a lovely back-to-school parent night, giving parents important reminders and updates on what’s to come for the year.

I love this idea; I just also know I barely maintain my sanity in those back-to-school weeks as it is, and I just can’t take on a physical meeting at this stage of life.

But Valerie’s idea of a video training got me thinking.  And in August, I filmed a simple 7-minute video for studio parents.  There were no financial incentives offered; just updates on our theme for this year, a quick reminder about some new policies I implemented, and THIS reminder: that INVESTING in their child’s musical experience involved more than making the tuition payments.

I reminded them of something I say almost every year in writing, but recording it in video form felt really natural and, likely, more effective.

My number one tip for parental investment is always to implement a family music night.  Ideally, this happens once per week, maybe the evening before their lesson?   But family music night is very simply a chance for the entire family to sit down and listen to what their children are playing.

There’s a really important caveat to this, and I reminded parents of it in my video.  This music night (or whatever you want to call it) is NOT a time to “check-up on practice” or to see if they’re “ready” for their lesson tomorrow, or whatever.

Rather, it’s a chance for parents to express interest and enjoyment in what their kids are playing.  No critiques allowed at family music night; it’s very much geared towards cultivating the spirit of music as entertainment.  As it should be.

In my video, I reminded parents that – while many of us feel the pressure to be the “taskmasters” of practice time – it’s important that we are MORESO the cheerleaders of our children’s accomplishments.

I received multiple messages after sending my video out that parents appreciated that statement above all else.  It’s a reminder we all need, right?  It’s so easy to fall into the trap where you’re more concerned with getting your child to practice the right amount of time and to practice the right things… and those things are obviously important – they are! – but the truth is, children do not FEEL invested in by that kind of behavior.  Sure, they’ll recognize it as such later in life… but I have yet to see a child who is NOT motivated by their parents’ pure enjoyment of what they’re doing.

I have to brag for a moment on my husband.  He’s well-aware that my 8-year old’s violin practice does not always go smoothly.  For her OR for me.  The other night, completely unprompted, he looked at her  and said, “would you please do me a favor?” to which she said, “Maybe.”  And he said, “Would you please go get your violin and play me Go Tell Aunt Rhody”?  😊 It’s so funny, right?  What adult in their right mind just WANTS to hear Go Tell Aunt Rhody?  But her eyes lit up and she totally took the bait.  I have not seen her go get her violin and play so readily in months.

I’ve shared before about a studio parent who will say, “I have to go scrub down the bathroom.  Will you please play music for me to give me something nice to listen to while I work?”

THESE are the kinds of investments our children notice.

They take intention… they take commitment… but they pay off in big ways.

And before you throw your hands up and say, “my studio parents won’t do this! I can’t even get them to (fill in the blank)” … I’d ask you to try and think of a new way to suggest it to them.  Not as an order, or as another thing to go on their to-do list, but as a friendly, professional observation.

Find a way to remind them that children don’t always understand the financial investments we make, but they WILL understand the ATTENTION investments we make.

And – because all parents move in and out of seasons where they have the bandwidth to do this well – PLEASE acknowledge good parental involvement when you see it.  Calling out the behavior you WANT to see is the best way to help ensure it will continue.

Just like our students need to know we are happy with them, their parents actually want to know we are happy with them, too.  There is so much to feel disappointed in ourselves about as parents. There is endless guilt and endless lists of things we “should” be doing better.  This is why so many parents land on the defensive when they feel like they’re being scolded.  A little encouragement from the piano teacher noting that our efforts are seen – and we are, indeed, good parents – goes a long way.  I promise you.

So that’s the challenge, friends!  Send the video, schedule the meeting, make the studio Tik Tok, whatever… but find your way to remind parents their investments in ATTENTION matter. Kids will appreciate the financial investments later in life, but these emotional investments have IMMEDIATE impact.

As I mentioned earlier, I have several episodes that go along with today’s topic, so if you want to take a deep dive on all things parent-relationship related, please visit today’s shownotes for a complete list.  That’s ChristinaWhitlock.com/episode187.

Also – it’s just about time for our next monthly meetup of Teachers Teaching Teachers. If you are looking for more teacher community, I’d love for you to come check out the Beyond Measure Community on Patreon.  This group of teachers is really incredible, you guys.  It’s so much more than just teacher chat.  There is not a month that goes by that *I* don’t learn something new from someone in attendance, let alone the things I bring to share.  Access to the live session AND the replay is just $6.  So, come join us and know your small contribution allows me to continue showing up here in your podcast feed each week.

As we wrap up, please humor me as I raise my imaginary glass and offer a toast to us, AND our studio families:

Studio teacher friends from all around the world – today we honor the beautiful relationships between teachers, students, and families.  Yes, some studio parents require us to dig a little deeper in the grace department than others, but truly – the fact that other people pay us actual money from their actual bank accounts to teach their children something we love is incredible.  May we remember the financial picture is just the transactional part of what we do, and the lasting impact for ALL involved runs so much deeper than dollars.  Cheers to you for ALL the educating you do, which often extends beyond the student in front of you. 😊  Here, here.

That’s a wrap on Episode 187, friends!  Again, go check the shownotes for links to all the things: ChristinaWhitlock.com/episode187, and don’t forget to come hang out with me on social media.  Find me at Beyond Measure Podcast on Facebook and Instagram.

Thanks again, friends!  As always, we’ll continue onward and upward until we’re together again next week.