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Episode 235: Cheers to (Re) Connecting with Music

Well, hello there, my teacher friends.  Welcome BACK to the Beyond Measure Podcast.  Christina Whitlock here, your host, voice of experience, and Anytime Piano Teacher Friend. I am back after an unplanned couple of weeks off. I hit my five year podcastaversary and then my brain just kind of shut down and needed a little bit of time to regenerate.  I know… many of you didn’t even notice I was gone. Life is crazy as ever and you don’t actually sit around waiting for this podcast to drop… but from MY end, it was really difficult to stay away. I missed you. The weekly rhythm of writing and recording this show grounds me and I am grateful you’re here to share the journey with me. So, all that said, it’s time for Episode 235!  Let’s get on with the show….

I want to talk today about playing our instruments… and why it feels so hard to make time to do it.  Maybe you don’t struggle with finding time to play yourself, but there are plenty of us – myself included – who slip into routines where we spend all our time teaching and communicating with families and taking care of life and we don’t prioritize taking time to sit down at our instruments and PLAY.

Rest assured – I’m NOT here to guilt-trip you today about your lack of practice time. So don’t get panicky and switch to a different show. 😊 Hear me out…

The other day, one of my younger students looked over at a pile of music I had sitting in my studio and he said, “Mrs. Whitlock… can you play every piece of music in that stack of books?” They were all books I teach out of so I was comfortable replying, “Yes. Yes I can.”  He got this big smile on his face and said, “So are there days when you come in here, grab a book, and play… just because you can?”

It was so endearing and – at the same time – convicting. How many of us ARE taking time to sit down and play just because we can?

This is a nagging thought that seems to bubble up for me this time of year. Almost exactly one year ago, I booked a creative coaching session with my friend Merideth Hite-Estevez and – in a big leap of vulnerability – I agreed to let her air our conversation on her podcast, Artists for Joy. We talked about music as an expression of authenticity – something I’ve spoken of here before – but we specifically tackled my hangups about playing for others.

See, I talk a BIG game with my students. I am the first to encourage my students to put themselves out there…. to share music with others because it’s one of the greatest gifts we can offer… to work through their fears of judgement and perfectionism and just DO THE THING because the alternative – not playing – is just sad.

….but I struggle to take my own advice, friends.  Oh, I struggle.

I’ll link that conversation and a few other relevant episodes in today’s show notes, but there was one big takeaway from my session with Merideth I’d like to share:

I mentioned a specific scenario  – something that is familiar territory for MANY of you…

My husband and I were wandering around an art museum in Indianapolis. As we left, there was a piano in the atrium with a sign that said, “Play me”. So, of course, Michael says, “hey… go play something!”.

So here I am, a girl with two piano performance degrees… all kinds of performance experience… all this knowledge. A Bonafide “professional” musician. And yet – I can’t make myself sit down and play.

Are there all kinds of pieces that I can sit down and play at the drop of a hat?  Sure.  But in that moment – my inner voice was telling me none of them were “hard enough”. I haven’t warmed up. I haven’t prepared. My brain short-circuited and I just wanted to get out of that atrium as fast as I could.

Again, this scenario is not unique to me. I’ve heard A LOT of similar tales from my own consult clients over the years.

There is something about this weight we carry as “professional” musicians and “professional” teachers that can rob us of the simple joy of PLAYING our instruments. Whether that’s for others or for ourselves.

These scenarios have bothered me for a long time. I can vividly recall MANY YEARS AGO attending a lovely neighborhood Christmas party and the host asking me if I would sit down and play We Wish You a Merry Christmas for everyone. I said no. She was so surprised that I declined, and I feel regret for that moment to this day.

If WE are not willing to play… how do we expect others to?  If not us, then who?

I expressed these frustrations to Merideth in that publicly-aired coaching session and she surprised me with what she said.

I thought she would talk to me about self-compassion and a myriad of other mental hangups. Instead, she asked me what my practice routine looked like lately.

I don’t think I could do anything but blink for a few seconds. 😊  My practice routine?  WHAT practice routine?

She went on to explain that spending time with our instruments is like filling up a well. When we perform, we’re drawing water out of that well. Then we work to replenish the well by practicing more.

….so by NOT spending any dedicated time with my instrument in this season of life, it makes sense I panic when faced with an opportunity to play.  My piano well is dry. There is no water there to draw from.

And, really, I would argue the same is true of our TEACHING. Some of us have been teaching from a dry well for so long we don’t even notice. We don’t remember ever feeling excited to sit at our instrument and PLAY.

In Christian circles, we talk often about staying connected to The Vine (The Vine being God).  Our words and our works risk being empty if we are not first establishing our connection to The Vine through prayer and scripture study and other contemplative practices.

I feel like, as musicians, our love for music is another important vine. We can say and do all the music teachery things but there is a difference when you are talking to someone who is actively in love with the process of making music vs. when you talk to someone who is just going through the motions.

As teachers, we have a responsibility to connect to the musical vine. To fill up our wells. Pick the analogy that works for you, but we owe it to ourselves AND to those we are teaching to invest in our love for making music. It’s what brought us to this point, and, like any relationship, it needs nurtured to stay healthy.

The thought that I (quote) “should” be able to sit and play something at the art museum is kind of ridiculous if I’m not taking the opportunity to connect with the piano that lives in my very own home. Right? 😊

So the question is – why AREN’T we playing our instruments for our own enjoyment?

One of the reasons I’ve been quiet here on the podcast for a few weeks is the fact that I’ve been doing a lot of my own inner work on my relationship with music and achievement and the way I learned to use piano at an early age to gain recognition from peers and adults whose approval I craved.

I’ve been unpacking all kinds of memories where I used music as a way to prove my own worthiness. So much so, I began wondering if there was ever actually a time when I just LOVED making music?  Was it EVER just about making music?  Or have I been using piano as a vehicle to seek approval from others my whole life?

These questions were starting to spin me into a serious identity crisis… but then I happened to ask a NEW question that brought me back to center.

I’ve been co-leading a study on Intermediate Piano Teaching with my friend Janna Williamson this fall and I recently asked members of our private Facebook group to recall their earliest memory of a piece that made them feel like a REAL musician.

As I sought to answer my own question, I was flooded with memories of MANY pieces I played over and over and over again just because I loved them.

I talked about a piece in the old John Thompson book called Swans on the Lake… sigh. I loved that piece and I used to sing it EVERYWHERE.

I had some serious Mozart moments growing up: from the Bastien arrangements of his theme from K. 331 to the theme from the Marriage of Figaro.

When I was in 7^th grade, my teacher assigned me Mozart’s D minor fantasy and my little musician heart could hardly stand it. I squeezed every ounce of expression out of that piece – completely outside the realm of classical-era style… but wow, did I feel like a REAL MUSICIAN.

All those memories… and many more… came flooding back as I contemplated my own question and it  reminded me that, yes, I did LOVE music when I was young. It was not all about seeking approval.

…did I get a little lost on the journey as I got older?  Definitely.  But I am DETERMINED to get back to a place where I play for the sheer love of it, not because I need to prove anything.

A big part of the problem is the challenge that comes from merging our work and our play to the point where we can’t quite distinguish between the two. I have a lot to say on that topic and it’s going to need its own episode. Stay tuned for that one….

But the real challenge today is this: Friends, PLAY your instruments. As my student suggested, grab a book from the pile I KNOW you have sitting in your studio somewhere and play it JUST BECAUSE YOU CAN.

It doesn’t matter if the pieces are too easy or too hard. PLAY SOME MUSIC TODAY. And then do it again tomorrow.  Even if it’s just for two minutes: go do it. Get creative if you need to. True story: the last few weeks, when a student needs to run to the restroom, I play the piano. I play their music, I play my music… whatever I feel like doing. But that’s a few minutes that I can reconnect with my instrument AND my students get the benefit of listening to me play. Many of us underestimate the importance of exposing our students to quality phrasing and solid playing. Using the time they’re in the bathroom to squeeze in a little playing time is the ultimate win-win.

So, that’s the goal, friends: Fill up your well. Reconnect to the vine. We have spent our lifetimes honing our skills as musicians.  Yes, it’s been work, but now it’s time to enjoy the fruits of our labor. Right?

WHO’S WITH ME? 😊

I’m going to wrap us up with a toast today while you make your way to your instrument.

Studio Teacher Friends from all around the world:  We raise our glasses today in recognition of the fact that MANY PEOPLE envy the skills we possess. I know you hear it all the time, too. “Oh, I WISH I played the piano!” We’ve worked hard and we’ve EARNED the opportunity to sit down and play for our own enjoyment. Picture the faces of those who invested in you: maybe your parents who paid for lessons and your teachers who poured time and emotional sweat into your developing musicianship. Wouldn’t those people love to see you sitting in your studio today, playing for your heart’s own contentment?  I think it’s a beautiful picture and I hope you find time to play today. For them AND for yourself. Cheers to you and your efforts to reconnect to your unique abilities, my friend!  Hear, hear.

That’s a wrap on Episode 235, friends! Thanks for listening today. I really hope you’ll find a way to reconnect with music today – or anything that makes you feel the most like you.  We all know the cliché about how you can’t drink from an empty cup. I know life is moving at lightening speed but let’s all commit to spending at least the TINIEST BIT OF TIME doing the things that make life worth living. Deal?  Deal.  Be sure to check out the links in today’s shownotes for related episodes and other goodies! Onward and upward we go, my friends!  Let’s make it a great week.